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by James Breakwell

ONLY DEAD ON THE INSIDE by James Breakwell

“At first I was like, ‘Oh, great, another hilarious parenting book written by a viral internet sensation. Just what the world doesn’t need.’

But then I finally read Only Dead on the Inside and realized this was a hilarious parenting book by a viral internet sensation with zombies and I was like,

‘I was wrong. The world does need this!’

You’ll chortle, you’ll chuckle, and you might even learn something.” —Jen Mann, New York Times bestselling author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat

It's not easy being a parent these days. There are bills to pay. Kids to feed.

And hordes of undead monsters to keep at bay.

There are plenty of guides out there about how to survive the zombie apocalypse.

All of them assume readers are young, fit, and unencumbered by children.

In that scenario, the only living humans left will be smug, outdoorsy Millennials.

That’s hell on earth, even without the zombies.

Only Dead on the Inside is the answer for the rest of us.

Written by professional comedy writer and amateur father-of-four James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn), Only Dead on the Inside blends traditional parenting advice with zombie survival tips, bringing together two totally unrelated genres in a book no one asked for but everyone needs.

This step-by-step manual teaches you how to raise happy, healthy children in a world overrun by the undead. Motivated moms and dads want it all, and that won’t change at the end of the world. There’s no reason you can’t be a zombie killing machine AND parent of the year, but you have to work for it.

If you want to make sure your family is apocalypse-ready, Only Dead on the Inside is your best—and only—chance at survival. No pressure, but if you don’t read this book, your children will die.

BenBella Books (October 2017) 200 pages

Electronic manuscript available

French and German rights sold

“This guide to parenting through the apocalypse is so darkly hilarious,

you don’t even need to be a parent or have experienced an apocalypse to enjoy it.”

—Liz Climo, artist for The Simpsons, author, and creator of viral comics on lizclimo.tumblr.com

“Are you a parent of cute, selfish, tiny people who look like you but don’t pay rent,

destroy your sleep, inspire homicidal thoughts, and shatter your self-confidence daily?

Do you need help to survive this crisis? (Yes, yes you do.)

Long-suffering parent, you must immediately read James Breakwell’s hilarious, fast-paced, and practical book

chock-full of wisdom, to-do lists, rules, and big pie charts and graphs.

Breakwell not only taught me how to survive the madness of parenthood,

but also how to protect my babies from becoming undead, crawling, brain-eating monsters in diapers after the inevitable zombie apocalypse.”

—Wajahat Ali, speaker and New York Times op-ed contributor

“This book is hilarious! I couldn’t put it down (out of fear for my life and that of future generations).

This guide is the ultimate weapon against fighting zombies, which is the scariest prospect second only to parenting.

I would put this novel in the self-help section with a seal of Oprah’s approval,

because not only does it help you live your best life, it finally gives you a good reason for owning that cumbersome stroller.”

—Abbi Crutchfield, stand-up comedian and host of You Can Do Better on truTV

“The case is made for why parents will be the ultimate survivors of the Zombie Apocalypse.

Whether it’s using the ‘unreliability of your children to your advantage’ or benefitting from the enmity a normal game of Monopoly can conjure,

Breakwell pulls everyday scenarios for parents and hilariously weaponizes them for your survival. Plus, any book that uses the phrase ‘catastrophic bowel movements’ is a book I want to read.”

—Patrick Quinn, cofounder of Life of Dad, a social network for fathers